Do I Trust You, Lord?

Roman 8:1 is one of my favorite verses. It says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.” I find it necessary to remind myself of that often because I’m the world’s worst at condemning myself for the mistakes I make. The voice of the devil in my head encourages me to blame myself and see myself as a first class screw-up each time I make a mistake. I know that’s not how God sees me, so my prayer over and over is a plea to the Lord to help me to see the things I do through His eyes, to trust Him more when I don’t understand why things happen as they do, and to not blame myself unduly when the mistakes come. That hasn’t been easy, especially during times like I’ve experienced this past few weeks at school. Three times I’ve been accused by a parent of one of my students of deliberately speaking ill of her and going out of my way to ensure her failure in my class. (If I were doing that, I’d be the world’s worst at it; she made A’s in my class for every grading period!) She says I have been spreading rumors about her daughter, and has even accused Reagan of trying to turn the entire school population against her. My attempts to meet with her were met with contempt. She assured me that she wasn’t interested in hearing any of my lies and insisted that I would say anything to save my own skin, even if it meant spreading malicious gossip about her and her daughter. She made it clear that if she could, she’d have my job.

The stress and worry took their toll. I told myself, as did Scott, my friends, and my boss, that her accusations were unfounded and I shouldn’t let it trouble me. Heeding that advice was more difficult some days than others. This parent came close to stalking Reagan at school a couple of times, so I worried about what this was doing to my daughter, as well. The words of one particular friend spoke to my heart just when I was feeling the most vulnerable and confused; she said that I needed to trust that even though I couldn’t see it at this moment, God was working it out for our good. She reminded me that while I was too emotional to see my circumstances clearly at that time, that God would allow me to see what He had been doing all along if I would trust Him to take care of it and continue to be faithful.

Those were powerful words of comfort to me at that time, and I think they can minister to all of us no matter what is going on in our lives. There are many uncertainties in the daily lives we walk – health concerns, financial worries, questions about our personal future. As much as it pains me to have to admit it yet again, we can’t fix everything in our lives that goes wrong. As a fixer, that is often the source of my greatest frustrations. I can’t fix this situation with this particular student, no matter how much I want to. All I can do is be faithful to the One who is Almighty, Invincible, Omnipotent and Wise. He is my Heavenly Father, and in His hands is the safest place I can be. There’s rest there, and peace.

Our church is in His hands, as well. Are we being faithful to what He is calling us to do for Highland? Do we trust Him with our church? Is there more we could do if we would listen to His leading? Or have we decided that we know what’s best for the church and tuned out the voice of God? No matter what circumstances we may face along the pathway we walk, there is hope, and joy, and a future for us as long as we are faithful. At the end of the day, that’s where I want to be. Trusting God and living in faith. Sola Deo Gloria!

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About Janet Mackey

I am a wife, mother, Elementary school Art, Music, and Spanish teacher, and new novelist! We live in Tyler, TX where my husband pastors a small Presbyterian church. My daughter, Reagan, is eleven, and plays basketball and soccer. We share our happily cluttered and busy home with two cats, Max and Dixie, and a Schnauzer/terrier mixed breed named Rusty. In addition to writing, I love to read, scrapbook, quilt, cook, and sing, not necessarily in that order! Thanks for taking a look at my newly acquired blog. Post a comment; I'd love to know what you're thinking.
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